Need a Laugh? Here are the Top Goldman Sachs Jokes


Throughout the years Goldman Sachs has always been resented for it’s culture of elitism, big bonuses, and risky behavior.  As a result, they have failed to shy away from the media, constantly getting jokes cracked on them.  As a result, I have come up with a list of the top Goldman Sachs jokes over the course of the past few years, enjoy!

“By the way, all of the jokes here tonight are brought to you by our friends at Goldman Sachs. So you don’t have to worry, they make money whether you laugh or not . . .”

President Obama

“Why are government employees filing a civil suit against Goldman Sachs? That’s just going to be embarrassing in a few years when they all go back to work at Goldman Sachs.”

– Stephen Colbert

10. Huh?

9. You’re saying ‘fraud’ like it’s a bad thing

8. Planned on using money to buy everyone in America delicious KFC Double Down sandwich

7. Distraught over George Lopez’s move to midnight

6. We were framed by evil menswear company Goldman Slacks

5. Since when are financial institutions not allowed to screw their customers?

4. Hey sport, how much to make these questions go away?

3. America needed a villain both Republicans and Democrats can hate

2. Everyone we ripped off got an ‘I Got Cheated By Goldman Sachs’ tote bag

1. Uhh, it’s Obama’s fault?

– Lettermans Top 10

“$8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq! I didnt even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there.”

– Jay Leno

“While testifying before Congress yesterday, BP CEO Tony Hayward called the oil spill a ‘complex accident caused by an unprecedented combination of failures.’ Then he realized he was reading notes left on the stand by a Goldman Sachs executive.”

– Jimmy Fallon

Upon hearing that Goldman Sachs was handing out $16 billion in bonuses, after the $5.4 billion in bonuses from January.

“That was January… It’s only April… Was this their daylight savings time bonus? Groundhog didn’t see its shadow bonus. Do you give that bonus to the bonus in January so the other bonuses don’t get lonely?”

– Jon Stewart

“Well, the government said today Somali pirates being held in U.S. custody will be brought to the United States for prosecution, and they will be tried by a jury of their peers. So I’m guessing that’s what, Goldman Sachs?”

Jay Leno

On Goldman’s “shitty deal” and consequent ban on swear words:

So let the word go forth, Goldman may still fuck you over, but from now on, they themselves will refer to it as making sweet sweet love to you.

Jon Stewart (CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ON JON STEWART TRASH TALKING GOLDMAN SACHS)

After the SEC announced the Goldman investigation, the popular joke:

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Chris Rock

Was re-worked to fit the situation (ie “a banker is only as faithful as his options”).

“President Obama released his tax return today. He didn’t owe a lot in taxes. He has a lot of dependents. He’s got his wife, two daughters, A.I.G., General Motors, Goldman Sachs.”

– Jay Leno

Who would invest in Goldman Sachs mortgage investments? I played it safe and bought Greek bonds and magic beans.

Conan O’Brien

“Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five Republican senators fell out.”

– Jay Leno

While the US economy was in meltdown mode, employees of the Securities and Exchange Commission were all watching porn!

Ironically, the porn they were watching was Goldman Sachs screwing America!

– Dasher

Investors at Goldman Sachs were irate about reports that the company had used investor funds to chase risky and reckless investments.

Specifically, they wanted to know why Goldman Sachs had donated $1M to the Obama campaign.

– The Raving Rabbi

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